You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
