I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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