If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is Oprah even human
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
