She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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