Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
