my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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