If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just blew my weed a kiss
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
