Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
