It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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