Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
