I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
