I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
