That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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