So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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