YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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