I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
