And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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