its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
