I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
