he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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