i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
