I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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