Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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