So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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