watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
