well I can't set my house on fire every night
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
