You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize