none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
