When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
