there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
