Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize