when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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