Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
