I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You made out with two different species that night
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
