And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
