People in love make me want to vomit
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
