There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
