iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
