she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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