as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
