I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
