i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
