I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
