Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
