Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize