we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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