oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
