I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
