You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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