The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
