remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
