You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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