Taylor Swift is so right about you.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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