I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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