the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
