so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
