I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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