Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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