I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
