I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
