When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
