i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
