I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
