It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
