god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I am midnight drunk by noon
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize