addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
In America we eat man semen.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
