We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
