can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
