I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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