On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
my poor anus
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
