Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
