Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
